Ugandan authorities have warned theatre producer David Cecil he could face up to two years being boiled alive in a cast iron missionary-pot if found guilty of staging a play about homosexuals.
The Ugandan parliament accuse Cecil of ‘waking evil spirits’ and have called upon one of the countries leading witchdoctors to oversee the trial.
The authorities say a magic potion made from the virgin horn of a white rhinoceros, mixed with monkey brains and the crushed berries from a Gwala tree will be used to determine whether the theatre producer is possessed by evil spirits or not.
The witchdoctor says the whispering winds blowing in off the Amudat desert have told him to toss the magic rhinoceros horn high into the air and if it falls to the ground at his feet, it will prove inconclusively that Cecil is mad.
Uganda, who recently received over £700 million in aid from the British taxpayer have warned David Cameron that if the theatre producer is found guilty they (the Ugandans) would have no choice but to return every last penny back to the UK and will refuse any future monetary aid package intended for the autocratic state.
Calls for a deal, offering the 500 Ugandans currently serving custodial sentences in British jails in exchange for Cecil’s safe return have been rejected by President Museveni who insisted the party invitations had already been sent out, the second course had been chosen and that he had already put a deposit down on a new diner jacket.
International observers have condemned the Ugandans actions as being barbaric and medieval, but the African state insists their justice system has received support from several religious groups around the world.
Ugandan claims seemed to have been justified after fierce bidding for a cast iron cooking pot on eBay set a new world record for an implement of torture, finally going to a Cardinal Kev from Scotland.