Glade, the company normally associated with plug-in air freshners which hide the smell of a farting dog, has announced a new range of plug-ins which have been proven to deter unwanted visitors from consumers' homes.
'The lovely smell concept works up-to-a-point, especially if you have a flatulent pet, parent, child or auntie who lives with you, but we recognised that there's a gap in the market for those wanting to discourage unwelcome visitors such as debt collectors, local councillors, the clergy or Jehhova's Witnesses' said Glade UK marketing director Derek Kelly.
Glade's new range of plug-in 'Horror niffs' includes a wide range of unpleasant and worrying odours including 'Incontinent nanny', 'Hint of buried body under the patio', 'Rotten prawns on hot radiator' and 'Essence of semtex' to cater for the terrorist-concerned community and Surrey Police seeking massive overtime payments'
'They are guaranteed to deter all unwelcome visitors, even MPs campaigning at election time will be deterred when we release the 'Expenses fiddling sweat smell. If you're not happy just pop round to your local Glade distribution centre and we'll give you a full refund, but you probably won't hang around long enough to collect the cash because the building smells of stinking cow manure' continued Kelly
'It's our best-seller in the government sector following the Hillsborough report, but despite its popularity we can't imagine a stench worse than that described previously as the lady described as fragrant' said the judge at the Jeremy Archer trial.