"Do you take this women to be your lawful wedded wife?" "Yes, on these conditions." This is to be the approach of a new set of vows to be taken by some men at weddings.
Professor Errant, an expert in contract law and psychology has combined his two talents to provide a useful service to the general public. He says, "It's all too easy to let emotions get in the way of these important decisions and let tradition set the rules. But a bit of common sense implemented in the vows could improve the marriage experience."
"For example, in sickness and in health? Woh, what sort of sickness are we talking? If we're talking cleaning up sick on a regular basis, that's not cool. To have and to hold? Sounds inconspicuous, but not really okay during the sick bit. You don't want an unnecessary dry cleaning trip to make. For better or for worse? Absolutely not. For better only. Don't go giving them loopholes so early on."
With divorce rates at an all time high, Errant suggests that the improved vows will simply mean much less hassle when the big day comes. "The only day better than your wedding day is the day you finally see the back of your other half," explains Errant. "And it's this day when your vows come in extra handy, as they will now include the release clause."
Although some have slammed the vows as cold and impersonal, Errant points out that they aren't for everyone. "For some reason, and I'm not sure why, there are people out there that actually look forward to the sick cleaning. So by all means keep the original vows", shrugs Errant.
A sample set of basic vows is available for free below.
I, {Name here, fake if you are feeling cautious}, take thee, {lady standing next to you, write her name on your hand if you're likely to forget}, to be my lawful, wedded wife, subject to terms and conditions. To have and to hold, on the occasions I feel this is appropriate, in sickness and in health, pending a doctor's note confirming it's not contagious or messy, for better, not for worse, to cherish, when I'm not busy, until divorce do us part. You may whinge once a week, after fair notice so I can put earplugs in. I reserve the right to amend these vows with two weeks' notice.