Organisers of the ‘Joy of Death Festival’ to be held in Bournemouth over the weekend say they can think of no better way to end the gathering than to sign off with a Coldplay concert.
Over 150 joyless people armed with photos of coffins and anecdotes about dead people are set to attend the funeral fair.
The idea of the festival is to break down the taboos associated with death and to see if there is any way the whole tiresome funeral procedure can be speeded up so that people only have to take the afternoon off work and not lose a whole days pay.
Organisers say there will be fun for all the family, with cemetery golf, tombolas, refreshments and prizes....and a ‘Guess-the Weight’ competition with the winner getting the dream coffin of their choice for guessing the correct weight of someone’s dead gran.
‘There will be stalls selling everything the deceased and their families will ever need...from embalming fluid to scented candles and from lighter fuel to kindling....and much, much more’ said organiser Frank Scriven ‘we’ve chosen Mrs Dobbs for our ‘Guess-the Weight’ competition. She only died on Tuesday and hasn’t started to smell any worse than she normaly did just yet. She was quite a jolly, portly figure when she was taken into care by the local authority but don’t forget she’s spent the last 6 months in a council run care-home here in Bournemouth, so you must take that into account before taking a guess.
Oh, and there will also be a wet-sponge competition where people get to throw a wet sponge at a dead vicar hanging from the village stock’.
But it is the Coldplay concert that organisers say will inevitably put a complete ‘downer’ on events and send the people home in tears. And although seasoned funeral directors and pall bearers will have witnessed some of the most moving and heartbreaking of ceremonies, organisers say only the coldest of hearts would fail to be moved to tears upon hearing the news that Chris Martin has just plugged his guitar in.
‘I’m welling up just thinking about it’ admitted Frank
But some professionals attending the festival say they see it as an opportunity to help others deal with death and grief in the family.
‘Let’s be honest, funerals are a solemn, miserable affair’ admitted Albert Jenkins, an embalmer from Didbury ‘ and nobody in their right mind wants to hang around in the cold, blubbing into a Kleenex while trying to sneak past the collection tray without being noticed – they want to get out of the church soon as possible, find out if they’ve been remembered in the will then get rat-arsed down the pub.
And of course, there is usually another bunch of uncaring chancers waiting their turn in the car-park, praying to God that the furnace hasn’t gone out....and so what better way of emptying the vestibule of loved ones than to pump ‘Viva la Vida’ through the pulpit loudspeakers.
Yes of course we knew there was a Coldplay concert taking place on Sunday night just as we are winding up the festival. Did you think it was just a coincidence.?
Now if you’ll excuse me, my lift has arrived....oh, FFS why is it always me lying down in the back.
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‘Joy of Death Festival’ to end with Coldplay concert
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Gerontius
offlineMemberPosted 8 months ago # -
Quaz
offlineMemberGreat ideas there Gerry.
In an echo of the old Victorian tomb bell, apparently lots of people get buried these days with their mobile phone, just in case. I hope they remember to charge it up. And what would you do if you got a call after the buriel from a relative who had just left you a lot of cash?
Posted 8 months ago #
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