While many have been baffled as to how David Cameron could appoint someone convicted of careless driving as Transport Minister, the explanation has now emerged: Simon Burns is simply working out the term of his community service sentence.
“I’m a firm believer in the punishment fitting the crime” said Mr Burns, speaking on his phone from the fast lane of the M11. “So, having critically injured someone, naturally I first became junior Health Minister. Then, as I did this by running over a cyclist, Transport was the logical next step.”
Jo Smith of the Campaign Against Driving With Your Eyes Shut commented “We were concerned that this appointment and indeed his sentence - £400 or one day’s salary - seemed rather lenient for breaking someone’s neck by driving into him coming out of a car park, no matter how difficult it is to see when the pavement is crowded. But now I realise that he has to work long hours reading civil service briefing papers for only £100k a year, we are much reassured”.
Other lawbreakers are trying to use this case to establish a precedent have met with mixed results. A Mr B Racer was unsuccessful in his attempt to have his speeding fine reduced to one day’s worth of Job Seeker’s Allowance and a job as a traffic warden. However, lawyers for convicted fraudster Asil Nadir say they are “optimistic” that they can get his 10 year jail term commuted into employment as an advisor to the Chancellor of the Exchequer.