The Labour Leadership election process started in earnest today with the mentors finding out which hopeful will be in their camp.
A delighted Louis Walsh, who is only just learning how to clap, clapped his hands liked nobody has ever clapped before when he discovered he was in charge of the groups. “Oim deloighted to get the groups. It’s what Oi do best. These Milli-vanilli-band boys are special. I’m telling you, they’re the new Jedward. They’re cool. They’re trendy. The girls will love ‘em. The whole country will be going Edvid crazy.”
The over 25’s were split into two separate categories. The “Heard of Him” and the “John Who” groups.
When it was revealed that John MacDonald was being teamed up with Danni Minogue some eyebrows were raised, but not by the Aussie sourpuss. “I just got my Botox done so my eyebrows are going nowhere any time soon” she whined.
With Simon Cowell not taking part in the competition it leaves Cheryl Cole to team up with Ed Balls. Cowell explained, “the public aren’t really interested in the leadership contest and I can’t see me making much cash out of this, so I’m taking a back seat and letting the others get on with it. I decided to pair up Cheryl and Ed after I saw Rufus Hound doing that dance routine and I thought Cheryl looked great with Balls.”
The competition will go on for about twelve weeks longer than necessary and the winner will get to perform at a big party in Blackpool.