Newly translated clay tablets found in Egypt seem to suggest that, far from being a wonder of the world, the Great Pyramid in Egypt was plagued by bad design decisions and cowboy builders. The ancient writings seem to be correspondence between planning officers, lawyers acting for the Pharaoh, and the Architects.
The planning officers reported concerns over several design decisions, including an absence of fire exits, a lack of windows and insufficient ventilation. The architects meanwhile were complaining that the giant stone edifice was built facing the wrong way, upside down, and was supposed to be covered in that multicoloured stone cladding. It is also claimed that The Sphinx was the result of a mix-up of two different sets of blueprints.
The builders blamed the slaves for it, saying the unions had walked out so often over pay and conditions (none, and buried alive on completion) that they went over deadline and were fined by the Pharaoh. They also put in a claim for extra money after having to back-fill all that sand in an attempt to cover up what a monumental cock-up they'd made, citing the expense of using Flying Saucers to do the lifting work.
The Pharaohs were also unhappy, as the gold and jewels were apparently never meant to be left behind, but should have been swapped at the last minute for fakes as part of an insurance scam, while the various images of half animal half man gods actually represented the mistakes made during early transplant surgery experiments. There were also complaints about poor mobile phone and wi-fi reception inside the building.
The Egyptian Antiquities Ministry briefly wondered whether they should attempt to restore the Pyramid to its original design by inviting the BBC show “DIY Disasters” in to make a TV special. A spokesman said “We thought of rebuilding it the right way up, but we couldn’t see the point.”
A joint Quaz and JeniB production