Former deputy prime minister has spoken of his delight by being promoted by David Cameron into the new position of 'Minister for everthing that's really shit.'
'When David first told me of the move I was quite annoyed, after all it could be seen as if I was personally responsible for everything that's rubbish such as university fees and failure to reform the Lords' explained Clegg 'But then he told me it was a really important job as it gave me a long list of things to fix and become a national here in time for the next election. What a great guy'
'He said if I do a good job he'll give me loads more such as the banks, Heathrow's third runway, the west coast franchise and the weather. I hope that Chris Huhne does a good job as my successor as Deputy PM'.