Britain was swamped with zombies when the dead returned to work as part of the government's controversial benefits cutback. Despite death being regarded by many as the ultimate in invalidity following an Atos assessment they have being judged fit for work.
'While technically the dead do not receive benefits,' said a spokeswoman for the Department of Work and Pensions, 'they do take up hundreds of thousands of acres of prime real estate all over the country which is a benefit in itself and one inaccessible by the living. Graveyards will now be sold off and redeveloped as luxury housing accessible by anyone who can afford it which is much fairer.'
There are some professions that will receive a considerable boost in having a percentage of their workforce made up of corpses who have no souls or enthusiasm with teaching seen as an especially good fit however in some areas the dead are expected to have a harder time readjusting.
'It has been vouchsafed to me that a Frenchman is no longer mine enemy but my brother,' said Colonel John Mudge a six hundred and seven year old veteran of the Hundred Years War. 'And whyfore doth the Crown Prince prate nonsense of plants and buildings and not lead his troops into battle? I like it not.'
The world of politics is also proving to be a tough one for the dead to re-enter though the problem there is one of reluctance to work with the living. 'It's been chaos,' said a Cabinet insider. 'Within in five minutes of meeting Micheal Gove, Rab Butler started throwing things and every time he sees Nick Clegg, David Lloyd George just laughs and laughs.'
There were no witnesses to the meeting between David Cameron and Sir Winston Churchill but Mr Cameron's office insist that it was 'extremely productive' and that the two men both held each other 'in great esteem' and strongly denied that Cameron being rushed to hospital immediately afterwards to have a badly broken jaw rewired and a stapler removed from his arse was anything other than coincidence.
