In a move bound to endear him to his legion of followers, Mitt Romney has finally revealed the recipe for his home-cooked crystal meth. Described variously as ‘unbelievable’, ‘confusing’ and ‘totally nuts’, Mitt Romney is nonetheless well-respected for his ability to produce methamphetamine.
“Everywhere I travel, people have asked about my krank”, revealed Romney. “I find it helps me pretend to be excited about the issues I need to endorse to get elected.” Renowned for its ability to keep truckers truckin’, dancers buckin’ and homosexuals engaged in similar activities, Romney was at first a little reticent to offer his pipe around the Tea Party faithful. But with Romney’s first-class glass making even the most sceptical loker look at Mormonism without smirking, his backers are hoping to smoke the opposition, or at least leave them reorganising their crisp collection when they ought to be voting.