In a joint press announcement The Secretary of State for Sport, The Secretary of State for Defense and Lord Coe laid out plans challenge the supremacy of the Chinese at the next Para-Olympics in Rio 2016.
Jeremy Hunt, Minister for Sport told reporters that he and his team worked closely over many weeks to look at the long-term beneficial impact of the Olympics and how any part of the legacy could be achieved.
He said “At first it seemed a hard nut to crack, but once we came up with the idea, it seemed bleeding obvious. The Armed Forces already make up 36% of the British Para-Olympics Team and all we had to do was find a way to increase that – that’s when I thought what we need is another pointless conflict and I was straight onto the phone to Philip”
Philip Hammond, Secretary of Defense, also present at the joint statement continued “Well, yes, when he asked me if there were any countries we could start a pointless conflict with – I almost laughed and replied “Where do I start?? – We’ve got loads”, but when he talked me through his plans I thought it was a stroke of genius. That’s when we got down to some serious thinking and from Monday, after tea we’ve decided to declare war against Syria, Jordan and Iceland”
Rt Hon Hammond continued “In a way, it’s ironic that in the upcoming conflicts we’ll have to make sure that our troops are better equipped as we only want them to be maimed for life and not killed, otherwise we can’t do our bit to ensure the successes in Rio”
Lord Coe concluded “I’m really excited with what can be achieved if government really think about legacy from the outset – in fact we should have invaded Iceland when al-Qaeda blew up that volcano”