Todays Inaugural Mobility scooter polo match has left Paralympic officials facing tough questions, after the wheels literally came off of Team GB's Number 4, Danny Slammer's steed. one spectator said "he was defending valiantly when all four wheels flew off leaving him marooned like an abandoned Ford escort."
It has thrown into question the teams decision to save money by using Chinese knock-off scooters.
Team manager and former field polo champion Tarquin Floppy-Heir defended his decision claiming "One can only stretch the funding so far, and after all I have the family estate to think of, 18th century mansions don't maintain themselves you know. My aide saw them on ebay and they seemed perfect, with chrome wheel trims and neon lights just like my Range Rover."
Team captain rob De-Silva has been relieved of his place in the team after he valiantly leapt from his moving scooter and subsequently sprinted in pursuit of the errant wheels, thus revealing him as able bodied. He is currently being questioned by Met Police over £250,000 of fraudulent benefit payments and impersonating a paralympian.
The whole saga spiralled further out of control when Blind German discus thrower Hanz Obershouler mistakenly used one of the stray wheels in his Gold medal winning throw. He was later stripped of his medal for not using a regulation discus. He railed " If zee idiots had uzed a German Scooter zis would not have happened."
Fellow Team GB medal winners have rallied offering to provide their ridiculously large medals as replacement wheels. Officials however have yet to decide if the event will continue or whether the image of the sport has been damaged beyond repair.
One leading official claimed "The damage to the sports reputation is largely due to Mayor Boris Johnson, and his attempt to ease the situation by leading the crowd in a giant Mobot. At first this appeared to be a stroke of genius, then during one overly enthusiastic mobot Mr Johnson's braces snapped, leaving his trousers round his ankles. The big screen image of Boris in his boxer shorts depicting Ken Livingstone in an uncompromising position around his genitals, sent men, women and children running screaming from the arena.
At this time the events of today are still too vivid in everyone minds for us to say if we will reschedule or cancel future matches."