Scientists everywhere have been left red faced today as it has been revealed that the whole standard model theory of particle physics is entirely fictional. For years, billions of pounds has been pumped into state of the art labs to fund so called “particle accelerators” in the hope that the secrets of the big bang are revealed.
“Its all complete bollocks,” admitted moptopped lab boy Brian Cox. “What a scam! Its the greatest joke the science community has ever staged and you all fell for it -suckers”
Funding at CERN, apparently actually provided a super skateboard park and BMX track with a “really cool den full of X-Boxes and stuff” for large gangs of scientists to chill in.
Cox went on to explain, “I mean the names, you fell for all of them, quark and muon came from a drunken game of scrabble, the Three Bosons of the Weak Force were actually a goth band who practised at CERN and lepton was a word they made up to rhyme with electron from the song “let me put some negative charge in ya”.
But the best of all, I mean really, the 6 quarks – up, down, top, bottom, oh man...charm and strange!!” at this point Cox collapsed on the floor laughing.
Scientists have known for around 50 years that all matter is made from a substance similar to Lego, only smaller. And it doesn’t hurt if you tread on some.