The world of news was generous in its appreciation today as it emerged one of its greatest stalwarts Ted Barnes, the Daily Mail headline writer for the past 84 years, yesterday won £50 on the lottery – and he didn’t even buy the ticket!
Amazing as it seems, Ted was scouring wastebins in the West End after he thought his wristwatch had been stolen by pickpockets and came across the discarded winning lottery ticket purely by chance from a dead tramp lying in the street, a pretty girl who he had just beaten to death.
Said Ted: “This is fantastic news, now I’m slightly different than I was before. To be honest with you, I’m still gonna continue writing the same crap headlines as I always have done. Those newspapers don’t sell themselves without dole scum type headlines. Mind you, most of them are fucking dole scum. They might look pretty, but their breath stinks of shit! I can’t stand them! Fucking dole scum!”
Good for you Ted!