Sources at the Department for Work and Pensions have confirmed rumoured plans to release wild lions into paralympic venues to catch out benefit cheats.
The plan, inspired by last week's alarming lion sightings in Essex, aims to create a frenzied panic among disabled competitors and spectators. The government expects fraudulent claimants to join the terrifying rush for the exits where contractors will be waiting to offer them compulsory work experience.
Those unable to escape the rampage will have any outstanding benefit claims fast tracked and validated for a period of 18 months, should they survive the experience.
The move is expected to save taxpayers thousands of pounds per year, once deductions have been made for lion hire, compensation claims and cleaning operations.
A government spokesperson said "Tests for disability benefit recipients were actually started under the previous government. Releasing ravenous wild animals into confined public spaces is the logical next step. If you're well enough to escape a lion attack, you're well enough to operate a lathe for 50 hours a week, yeah?"
A spokesman for a disabled charity said "Not content with unleashing savage cuts on the public, the government are now unleashing savage cats. What next?"