Two robots allegedly carrying stolen plans for the coalition have gone missing after evading a raid by security forces on a vessel belonging to a dissident Liberal MP who was making a run for freedom across the channel. It is feared the robots, one described as looking like an Oscar statuette and the other as more like a motorised white dustbin, boarded a lifeboat and possibly landed somewhere near Camber Sands.
Lord Feldman, Tory party co-chariman, has said he has personally analysed the plans and has assured colleagues there is no need to panic, but other MPs are rumoured to be fearful of what could happen if these plans make their way to the Labour Party's secret leadership bunker. However, none of them were willing to speak up publically about the incident, fearful of David Cameron's legendary rage.
One early lead on the location of the robots has gone cold - it was believed they may have been picked up by a group of gypsies and sold to a farmer, but despite intensive police investigations no trace of them has been found. A patrol in Romney Marsh spotted two similar robots in a car with Derren Brown, but he assured them they were not the robots they were looking for.
The worry for Cameron and his coalition now is that they may make it to the wreched hive of scum and villiany known as Foklestone, where they could hire a trawler and escape to the continent.