In the next few weeks Julian Assange, the well-known albino Aussie nosy parker and gossipmonger, is to undergo a special sex-change operation in the Ecuadorian embassy, leaving himself with both male and female genitals, a well-informed source claims.
Reasons for this dramatic move are twofold: firstly, if he walks through the Ecuadorian embassy front door as Julie Assange he believes he cannot be arrested, as he will no longer be Julian Assange; secondly, if he ever feels the urge to sexually interact with any females, he can go fuck himself and thus avoid any more potential extradition requests.
Then he hopes to be left alone to carry on being a global nosy parker as before and embarrassing everyone by publishing their confidential asides and the truth.
The source, Gary McKinnon, said: “As instructed by someone who said she was from NewsBiscuit I got the information by hacking into his phone and laptop via the computer in the local library, it was quite easy really. Didn’t find any evidence of UFOs there though. Shit, just realised why the US might want me extradicted, because their enemies might wanna know how I got into the Pentagon’s systems.”
NewsBiscuit was unavailable for comment, preferring instead to run stories about Essex lions and incompetent arrogant public schoolboys ruining the UK economy.