A spokesman for James Bond has revealed the Secret Service agent has been admitted to a secure hospital after suffering terrifying flashbacks, seemingly triggered by memories of a 1987 mission in Eastern Europe.
Friends of Commander Bond became concerned after noticing a number of changes in his behaviour over recent weeks. A colleague, Miss Moneypenny, says Bond had developed a reluctance to deliver a racy quip despite plenty of opportunities to do so. “For example I mentioned how my pussycat’s coat had become rather unkempt in recent weeks and told him I had made an appointment to have it groomed” she said. “But he just rocked back and forth, muttering something about skiing on a cello.”
Bond’s line manager, M, confirmed that the celebrity spy had been “feeling the pressure recently” and had indeed been withdrawn from frontline service. The final straw appears to have been an incident in which a “tired and emotional” Bond drove a stolen Aston Martin at high speed into an A-Ha reunion gig at Butlins in Skegness, killing two innocent band members and a 42 year old female fan, who probably should have known better.