A judge at Exeter Crown Court has criticised a man for beating his friend to death with a frying pan, suggesting five minutes under the grill or even casseroled in a pot-roast would have been a far healthier option.
The judge said that at no time did the accused take into account the long term health implications of taking a frying pan to his friend and that as a result he (the friend) would almost certainly be faced with wider health issues associated with the overzealous use of a frying pan...such as clogged arteries, increased cholesterol levels, the onset of diabetes....’and of course intracerebral haemorrhaging of the brain’.
‘With so many healthier alternatives on the market there is just no excuse for beating someone to death with a rusty old pan’ said the judge ‘unless of course you bought something in an ASDA sale, in which case there may be mitigating circumstances’
But lawyers acting on behalf of the accused responded by saying the defendant was unemployed and living on benefits, unable to afford healthier options such as eye-level grills or rotisseries and that a frying pan was all he could afford.
However, the judge said although he appreciated the man had probably only ever used a frying pan in his kitchen it was important that even people from low income families should be encouraged to seek other alternative murder weapons.
Excessive use of the frying pan was well documented.
‘These are not the dark ages’ added the judge ‘when was the last time you saw a frying pan being bagged up by the forensic team on Silent Witness?
Lawyers hit back by reminding the judge that despite their client having to struggle by on benefits he did at least use a coffee-grinder in his kitchen.
‘Yes, point taken’ said the judge ‘it would have been so much easier just to have put his friends testicles in a mug and poured boiling water over them....but I guess putting them through the coffee-grinder did at least show some signs of consideration.
Even Emelia Fox would have had to show some emotion over that one’.
The trial continues.
Frying pan killer ‘inconsiderate’ claims judge
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A judge at Exeter Crown Court has criticised a man for beating his friend to death with a frying pan, suggesting five minutes under the grill or even casseroled in a pot-roast would have been a far healthier option.Posted 2 years ago #
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