A leading doctor is urgently advising all 'women about town' to take water on board every ten minutes. In a shocking report, women who regularly use public transport are now told they'll rapidly lose their youthful looks unless they drink copious amounts of spring water.
Writing in today's Daily Mail, Dr Hans Kreutzer revealed that a woman travelling on an underground train or an aeroplane can expect her skin to dry out at a rate of 2.87 hertzels per minute - as opposed to the natural rate of 0.43 hertzels per hour experienced by men watching football in a stadium with the roof open.
“Women who wish to remain looking beautiful should never allow ten minutes to pass by without drawing a bottle of water to their lips for a long swig,” declared Dr Kreutzer.
Responding immediately to the medical evidence, posh handbag manufacturer, Mulberry, announced this afternoon that their autumn "Kelly Range" collection at just £2279 a pair, will include a dedicated section for a tartan-lined 2 litre bottle of Malvern water.
*Dr Hans Kreutzer was writing on behalf of the European Natural Water Commission.