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Celebrity Twats

(12 posts) (10 voices)

Started 8 months ago by Jonny Shlep
Latest reply from Smart Alex

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Jonny Shlep

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Anyone here ever encountered a member of the gliterati that, upon closer inspection has turned out to be a complete and utter twat? I know I have!

A few years back whilst holidaying in Portugal, I spotted ex Goodie and modern day bird disturber Bill Oddie sitting on a wall next to an aviary containing parrots, cockatoos and suchlike.

As I went mincing past the boy I remarked in my best Bethnal Green East London accent (I make Ray Winstone sound like Brian Sewell) "Alright mate? You're alright for a spot of bird watching there son"

To my surprise and consternation instead of replying in jocular mode with a cheery smile and a hail fellow well met demeanour the miserable little bleeder merely scowled at me and then looked in the opposite direction.

What a short-arsed, taciturn, beardy little celebrity twat!

Next week:

Bruce Forsythe knees me in the groin for calling out "Alright my love?".....:(

Posted 8 months ago #
Martin Shuttlecock

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I once met the legendary Bolivian dictator in exile, Colonel Juan. And I ended up in A&E. In all fairness, as I lay in the street bleeding like a stuck pig, he did fair laugh his head off and point at me in a mocking fashion, attracting the attention of London rush hour commuters.

Oh, and I once stood next to Charlie Kray in a pub, but he was a bit boring really. He just sat there reading the paper.

Oh, and a couple of weeks ago I was at the Nou Camp and I was giving Lionel Messi a few tips on how to beat the keeper in a one-on-one but it turned out not to be Lionel Messi at all, but some farmer from Norway.

Hope this helps.

Shuttlecock.

Posted 8 months ago #
Scroat

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Chris Tarrant. You really don't want to know. Suffice to say he's not very nice.

Posted 8 months ago #
Scroat

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Oh and minor celeb Richard Digance. The older and more minor they get, the more unpleasant they become, it seems.

Posted 8 months ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Everything you need to know...can be found here...

Posted 8 months ago #
Martin Shuttlecock

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Heh heh!

This is the cheap version.

Once saw Don Estelle (Out of It Ain't Half Hot Mum and Whispering Grass) wheeling a piano through Basingstoke shopping centre.

I didn't ask...

Shuttlecock.

Posted 8 months ago #
JohnA

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Every time I read a celebrity encounter with Sting, it turns out that he's an utter twat.

Posted 8 months ago #
Haywood Manley

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Yeah, I've heard a couple of stories about Chris 'do you know who I am?' Tarrant that cast him in a less than favourable light. Dennis Norden was a bit of a twat as well apparently.

Posted 8 months ago #
Oxbridge

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Viz did something like this years ago, in which you wrote in to nominate Celebrity Cnuts. I think Noel Edmonds came top of the pile.

Posted 8 months ago #
kimllfixit

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I'd mention the time I had a colossal argument with Danny Dyer at a charity football match, but seeing as I knew he was a twat before he even opened his mouth I don't think it really surprised me much. It certainly spiced up watching a 15 minute game featuring the girls from 90s pop group Cleopatra and the neice of some random footballer though.

Posted 8 months ago #
butagirl

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Paul Daniels. A nasty, horrible, poisonous little man by all accounts.

Posted 8 months ago #
Smart Alex

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Noel Edmonds allegedly. I heard this story a few years back, which may or may not be true, but I'd link to think that it is...

Apparently when the idea of Deal or No Deal was first mooted one of the things that had to be done was to design the set. The set was designed pretty much like we see on the tele now. But... when the designer realised that Noel E was going to be the presenter, and having had run-ins with him in the past, he amended all the set dimensions by 10% (some an increase - some a decrease depending on their relationship to the presenter).

I didn't believe this at first but the more I think about it the more I think it could be true. After all, the bankers telephone sits on a table that pretty much comes up to Noel's chest, and the prospective contestants in the east and west wings all look down on him!

Posted 8 months ago #

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