The world of the Caravan Club was rocked yesterday with a surprise beginner's entry in the annual 'Cosmetic Caravan' competition. The prestige event, held traditionally over the August Bank holiday in Beaulieu (generally in lay-bys en-route to it and key traffic junctions in picturesque Lyndhurst nearby), attracts high numbers of entrants to the New Forest every year.
Burt Impetigo, entering the competition for the first time, was tearful when he realised he had won a prize in the 'Beginner' category. Burt, who has a beard and lives in his caravan in a farmer's field near Porton Down, gives his job as 'civil servant', but his passion in life as sitting in his caravan 'Bessie'.
Judges commended the caravan patina which had attained 'classic' status with algae encrustation pre-dating 1987. "It is so unusual to see the grime in perfect condition without finger-graffiti of a knob", enthused one of the judges.
The interior was equally impressive with the added touch of a vintage B&Q bucket with commemorative Lady Diana tea-tray 'lid' in lieu of a chemical toilet.
'Bessie' obtained a 'Silver' the 'Classic' category and the highly prized 'DAFUQ' rosette, an award given to the most astonishing entry overall.
When asked whether he would sponsor the event again next year, Lord Montague of Beaulieu went a bit purple and brandished a shotgun.