Prince Harry was unceremoniously dumped from the GB Paralympic Dwarf Tossing team today, moments after news of his Las Vegas pool table striptease reached team captain, Mike Tindall at the all-weather training camp inside Balmoral Castle.
Breaking off from attempting to toss a 67lb dwarf clean over a Hepplewhite bookcase, Tindall, accused his cousin Harry of letting down the entire Royal Family - by going 'Pool Stripping' in Vegas when he was meant to be on an extensive pre-Paralympic dwarf tossing weekend in Albuquerque.
The Queen's holiday home at Balmoral Castle has been at the epicentre of British dwarf tossing ever since her coronation in 1953. But with world-class tosser Prince Philip struggling to regain full fitness after his recent bladder infection, it was hoped that Harry would join Tindall and the in-form Prince Edward to form the nucleus of the GB Paralympic attack.
“Dwarf tossing is a highly sophisticated but extremely dangerous Paralympic sport", explained Tindall. So naturally, each of our Team GB dwarves has lost at least one limb in the course of making the odd bad landing in one of Her Majesty's inglenook fireplaces. It takes years of practice and incredible skill for us non-cripples to toss maimed dwarves vast distances without doing further damage.”
“All the more reason why Harry should have been fine tuning his technique this weekend - instead of titting about with something completely different.”