Under new proposals to improve road safety during the summer season when traffic levels on Britain's roads peak, the government has rolled out plans under which the stupidest drivers in England will have to identify themselves by displaying triangular red and white flags on each side of the car. In extreme cases, more than two flags will need to be carried.
'This is not discrimination, it is common sense,' said new Transport Minister Norman Baker MP. 'Some aggressive young men with brains the size of sweetcorn are a menace on the roads. With this requirement in place, at least other drivers and pedestrians will be able to see them coming.'
Emergency legislation has been brought in to require all those defined as twats, boy racers, pillocks and half-wits to display the flags from today until the end of July. If successful, it may be extended indefinitely.
The devolved Scottish and Welsh governments said that they have no plans to introduce the legislation, fearing that it may be counter-productive. 'Wae dinnae want no fu-, no fu- aah feggit,' said a spokesman for Alex Salmond.