The European Commission for Equality ruled earlier today that “shameless self-publicising is not the sole right of arts graduates working within television and movie media”.
This historic ruling opens the door for people working in areas that actually matter to get some credit for a change. Immediate effects are likely to occur first within printed media, with a number of newspapers expected to revert to their broadsheet formats to accommodate the lengthy credits. Music is expected to follow next, with session musicians already being advised to shout out their names “during the quieter bits” of their performances, until proper accreditation can be put in place.
Since the ruling is not just restricted to the media industry, other manufacturing industries have also voiced their interest in getting their workers a share of the spotlight. Carl Samson, founder of house builders ‘Yorkshire Homes’ has already intimated that he may erect “Credit Monuments” at all his new housing estates. Stating, “Those arty buggers have had it their own way for too long. If they feel it necessary to tell me who gripped a dolly, I think I have the right to say who lagged a pipe.”
Critics of the ruling are concerned that, just like in the movie industry, the credits could be used to “name drop” and “suck up to people” that had nothing to do with the production, resulting in lengthy lists of nobodies. However, supporters have dismissed this as nonsense, stressing that “high standards of professionalism” would prevent people from stooping so low.
Author : Walter Kovacs
Based on an original idea by : Walter Kovacs
Initial draft : Walter Kovacs
Mr Kovac’s pen provided by : Argos
Really great and funny person : John O’Farrell
Girl who promised that she’d shag me if I gave her a mention : Lisa Craddock.
Girl who didn’t promise, but might be worth a try anyway : Mary Evans
Credits : Walter Kovacs
Person most mentioned in credits : Walter Kovacs
A WALTER KOVACS PRODUCTION