A middle-aged Chancellor has stunned UK officials with an alarming and unauthorised attempt to restore a once proud economy.
The man, in his early 40s, was reportedly upset at the way the economy had deteriorated over the years and took it upon himself to ‘restore’ it, with disastrous results. Financial analysts say the delicate balance of manufacturing and service industries, that has provided jobs for hundreds of years, has been buried under a haphazard splattering of cuts and poorly thought out policies.
The economy is not thought to be overly valuable in today’s market, but has a high sentimental value for UK residents who have become quite attached to their jobs. It is hoped that the worst of the damage can still be undone and the amateur restorer is due to meet with financial experts next week to explain exactly what type of policies he used, and see if it can be fixed.
‘We’re sure that Mr Osborne had the best of intentions but unfortunately a significant amount of harm had already been caused before he realised he was horribly, horribly out of his depth, and called for help.’ explained a senior financial analyst, who will be trying to work out exactly what the hapless Chancellor has done, and why on earth he has done it.
David Cameron will be heavily involved in the decision making and is optimistic that the ill-advised restoration attempt can be rectified.
‘We will meet early next week and discuss how to proceed. Hopefully it can be undone but if not we will probably just blame it all on the previous Labour Government. Or invade Syria in an attempt to distract everybody.’