With the Olympics now over and put back in its box, except of course for the ‘special’ Olympics, literally two or three people out there have been asking the question “What happened to team GB in the Squirrel Licking competition?”.
As anyone would know who was glued to channel 5 at 2am, Team GB sadly failed to clench gold, but Hugh Pew-Barneymagrew of Eton managed to stagger into a Silver, knocked into second place by the Chinese team, with Greece taking a surprise Bronze.
Who would have thought it, an English public schoolboy beaten off by an Oriental while a Greek came from behind?
In front of a crowd of almost hundreds on the Isle of Wight, you could have cut the tension with a wet fish as team GB leapt through the trees in pursuit of the elusive Red Squirrels. No practice Greys these, but pure bred competition Reds, each one as cunning as a Rat with a blow dried tail. Hugh Pew-“The Barney Army” Magrew was hotly in pursuit, getting in several good laps, a drool, and some papping, but he was no match for the Chinese competitor, who not only managed to lick more Squirrels but actually stir fried one of them with bean sprouts and Pak Choi half way through his set. That impressed the judges and from then on Hugh’s fate was sealed.
The Team GB coach was disappointed to only snatch an individual silver, but promised that the Paralympic team would bring home the gold.
Permission for the Paralympians to use specially designed "Climbing Blades" is still not guaranteed, but most among the team are confident that the committee will find that large springs attached to the lower limbs of the competitors will not give them an advantage.
A Jeni B and Quaz joint production