England's preparation for the World Cup of Backyard Cricket (open to everyone with an emotional age less than 10 years of age) are in disarray as a dispute between the captain, Andrew, and best player, Kevin, led to Andrew refusing to let Kevin play with his bat and ball.
The bad blood between the pair started during the off-season when a sandpit altercation over a toy digger led to Kevin telling Andrew "you're a poo poo" and Andrew responding "no, YOU'RE a poo poo."
Cricket analysts speculated that Kevin's "poo poo" reference was a coded reference to Andrew's privileged position in the team despite a continuing run of poor scores, while Andrew's "poo poo" comment was aimed at Kevin's cutthroat individualistic approach.
Things escalated when some friends of Andrew allegedly started a Twitter account called "I'm Kevin and I'm a poo poo." The first message posted was "I'm a poo poo, I live in a poo poo house, and I eat poo poo for every meal." Kevin said the Twitter account was obviously fake since the message was over 60 characters long, had punctuation, and in any event he was not a poo poo. Kevin demanded that the people behind the account be unmasked and then smeared in poo poo.
The consensus of cricket analysts was that the Twitter incident showed that Andrew had more friends than Kevin in the team, that Kevin could dish it out but not take it, and that Kevin was most probably a poo poo. Unfortunately the fears of the analysts were confirmed as Kevin sent text messages to England's opponents South Africa saying "Andrew is a poo poo - bowl it short and he will do a poo poo."
Prospects of a reconciliation look slim as when asked for comment Andrew said "Kevin is a poo poo" and Kevin replied with "Morne reckons you're crap."