Outside the Commons today ex premier Gordon Brown announced to a gathered pack of journalists that he was ' going on a journey of spiritual healing to detox my mind and body of the stress and strain of running the country' said a relaxed Brown wearing a newly bought bandana and vest. ' My journey will take me to places I would never of gone as prime minister so I can mix with the down trodden and less fortunate people of the world and i'm not just talking about Birmingham'.
To the total astonishment of the media pack they all let out a collective gasp as Brown pulled out of the top pocket of his combat trousers a six inch spliff which he promplty lit and smoked in the manner of a man with out a care in the world ' you cats just watch me go, i'm not the square bear you all think I am' voiced the chilled out ex prem ' I want to go out there free to do what I want like geninuely learn to smile and do my own thing without having that bully Mandleson telling me what to do'.
Brown's laid back monologue was painfully cut short as a piece of ash fell from his spliff onto the exposed part of his foot left by his recently purchased open toed sandles.
After hopping up and down for several minutes rubbing his burnt foot Gordon Brown finished his amazing statement by asking ' does anybody know where the nearest youth hostel is. I've got an early plane out to India tomorrow morning where i'm going to work for two rupees a day on a Mumbai landfill site for a month and I want to get there early enough to beat the seagulls to the tip'.
Concerns that Brown could be letting down his constituents as MP for Kirkcaldy were quickly answered by Anstruther resident Mr Donald McWhelker who spoke for the whole area ' we've had more sightings of nessie in the harbour here than we've seen Gordon Brown in the last few years. If he's buggering off to India then good riddance I say because we may aswell of had a haggis as our MP for the last ten years than that useless prune'