US braced for war against US if it invades Greenland
Whilst the United States believes it needs to assimilate Greenland, by force if necessary, it also understands that as Greenland is part of Denmark, a NATO member, it is obligated to protect Greenland if it attacks it.
Convincing fraudster poses as Prime Minister
A notorious fraudster has posed as the Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, on more than twenty occasions, without being detected.
Trump attacked Venezuela to win cereal packet competition, reveals White House
'It said that the first autocrat to invade the whole set of South America countries could claim the grand prize: a day-glow orange garden parasol.'
US General admonished for not returning with 'whole of Venezuela'
American President and unhinged Kmart trolley Donald Trump threw a wobbly when US military forces returned from a mission without the entirety of Venezuela.
Badgers to vote Reform (because they hate foxes)
A recent poll has shown that badgers are increasingly likely to vote for Nigel Farage after the privileged twit (Check spelling, Ed) declared his love of fox-hunting
Trump tantrum as Kiribati celebrates New Year first
'Everyone knows it's America first! We must deport 2025. Where are the Keanu Reeves Islands anyway?' read a White House statement - after it had been moved out of all caps. 'Tonga? Samoa? Blow them all up and order the extra judicial killing of any survivors left clinging to any boats. New Zealand is where Hobbits live, it isn't a real country! You can't fool The Donald, who will celebrate winning New Year in Washington DC, 3 hours before the loser Governor of California Gavi
Labour celebrates bringing total w**ker back to Britain
"We've achieved the sum of sweet f*ck-all since we came into office," admitted a spokes-hieroglyph for the Labour government. "But we have used the little that remains of Britain's diplomatic heft to ensure the return of a total w*nker called Abd al Fattah. "This is a person who the Egyptians had kept locked up as a public service, who tweets hate speech against Jews and democracy. "Strangely, the Prime Minister was actually proud to have secured his release. "That's presumab
Medics concerned that Trump is becoming more sane
Medics, homeopaths, alternative health practitioners and witches are concerned about the President's mental health. One quack doctor told us, 'I monitor what the President says and does very closely, for my podcast. It is very clear that the flow of lies, untruths, half-truths and utter nonsense is changing. The volume of nonsense is diminishing. And markedly. He doesn't spout total guff with the same volume or frequency or enthusiasm as before. The contributions aren't as ba
Are Farage’s superhero duties interfering with the day job?
It’s the curse of every superhero’s life: fighting crime in secret is a full-time job. Peter Parker fell behind with his studies. Clark Kent faced the sack on a regular basis. Nigel Farage’s absences from Clacton and the House of Commons might cost him the next election. Lucky for him his job has zero penalties for goofing off. We don’t know which crimes he’s preventing, or which damsels he’s rescuing from distress. We don’t even know what his costume looks like – presumably
Trump: did Democrats buy Epstein victims flowers? I did!
The Trump White House has hit back at Democrats for releasing photos from the Epstein files, saying that President Trump had done more for the victims than the Democrats ever did. In an off-the-record briefing, an insider who cannot be named noted that "the Democrats have never even met any of these girls - I knew them all", and listed many of the ways they had helped Epstein's victims: * paid off their college debts, or bought them school uniform * allowed them to use his ow
