Simon Kendall, 34, a telecoms engineer from Plymouth was yesterday admitted to hospital after collapsing from exhaustion, brought about by my, I mean his, excessive masturbating whilst watching Olympic women’s athletic, swimming and gymnastics events according to emergency services who were called to his home.
Kendall, according to friends and family, has had his "cock in his hand" continuously for the past 14 days, unable to contain the urge to wank whenever he sees a scantily clad, nubile, athletic and young female competitor in the games.
"He just sits there in front of the telly, with his pants around his ankles just tossing one off, he wasn't eating properly and we were going through Kleenex tissues like they were made from trees" said his perplexed mother Doris, 55.
The jerking off began while watching the women's volleyball competition, aroused by the site of US competitor Kim Glass, bending over to retrieve the ball.
During the track and field events he suffered several impromptu and unannounced erections brought about by the sight of Lolo Jones, Allyson Felix and British Heptathlon gold medal winner Jessica Ennis.
The swimming and gymnastics events though saw a frenzy of self abuse, during which Simon became dehydrated and suffered increased heart rate and eventual collapse.
His mother, obviously distraught, stated "I know our Simon is a wanker but he usually keeps his tossing to himself, restricting himself to 2, maybe 3 a day and usually into a sock."