In a shock announcement, organisers of the Rhythmic Gymnastics Monitoring Committee have released new rules regarding the use of artistic aids in their routines.
The gymnasts – who usually wiggle and stretch with shiny ribbons, balls and hula-hoops – have responded negatively to the announcement. The new regulations will see the sport re-named as ‘Dancing’ and the use of additional props will be strictly forbidden to make space for a second human in the performance area. They may continue to wear tiny glitter-coated leotards and excessive make-up, providing their ‘dance partner’ is in a complimenting costume.
Chinese world champion Mi Xing has been especially critical of the proposal, believing that her petite build would impede her ability to throw a man into the air, do a somersault and smoothly catch him in the nape of her neck. Xing, who has been training 7 hours a day since she was 6 years old, is working hard with other gymnasts to fight the new rules. “If they really must get us to perform with humans it should be a much more aerodynamic and light version, like a baby,” she stated through a translator. “In China we have lots of spare babies, so at least I would not be at a disadvantage because of lack of amenities”.
A RGMC spokesman is adamant that the progression to Dancing will be a success. “These girls have been writhing round shiny balls all their life – there should be no problem replacing the instruments with camp ballroom dancers”.
