In a move set to further unsettle the coalition government, a group of what Nick Clegg has described as "feral" right wing Tories say they will mark their new constituency boundaries using a method usually associated with rodent behaviour.
Mary Samson, MP for Leicester East has posted YouTube videos of her marking a new boundary at the edge of the Midlands canal, extending her constituency by four square miles and surprising narrow boat holidaymakers.
"A ferret, polecat or rat will mark its territory using powerful political messages encoded in the kidneys, explained Zoologist Martin Smythe. "Ermine have their own particular urine formula constitutionally associated with the House of Lords. One downside of Lords reform would be the likely confusion of parliamentary sniffer dogs."
Yorkshire MP James Burnett has the longest boundary to mark, a winding 78 miles of rolling countryside beauty. He has invited constituents and the media to watch him attempt the feat in one continuous stream from the back of a Land Rover driven by his sister, equipped with a barrel of Yorkshire Bitter, a compass, a catheter and a length of rubber tube. His website says he is confident the presence of onlookers won't affect his competence.