Despite recent economic problems and not so great weather, American athletes are defecting in droves in an attempt to remain in London, once the Olympics end.
So far three American Olympians have disappeared and are suspected of attempting to stay in Britain for not just economic reasons but for a better and safer life, away from gun crime, excessive taxes, bland food and TV shows, designed for the lobotomized.
Swimmer Michael Phelps, who has not been seen since Tuesday, was said to be “scared stiff” of returning home, fearful of crazed madman with access to automatic weapons who could strike at any moment as well as crazed IRS agents, with access to bank records, who again, could strike at any moment.
Gymnast Gabby Douglas has also requested asylum, mainly due to the fact that since arriving in the United Kingdom she has become addicted to Cornish Pasties and Eastenders. It is reported that Gabby refuses to leave her room in the Olympic Village and sits glued to the TV watching old episodes of the popular soap in an attempt to catch up with the current storyline while scoffing down pasties, pies and mushy peas.
It isn’t just the food, TV and safety of Britain which is tempting US athletes to remain in the UK nor is it the fact that America is full of “nut jobs with guns.”
Women’s pole vaulting champion, Jennifer Suhr, the third medallist to have sought refuge in London, says she just loves British beer and cannot imagine having to return to New York and sit in boring old sports bars all day, sipping weak American beer....not after sampling fine English bitter.
She tweeted "Not going home, love the Dog and Duck pub, mines a Boddingtons, no more Bud Lites for me, tastes like piss LOL" to her millions of fans late last night.