A recent report from the Institute of Behavioural Therapists has sought to cast light on the question of why people reaching management status feel the need to hold impromptu meetings in doorways and hallways. It is a phenomenon much observed and sworn about by office staff as they attempt to get to the loo or the coffee machine.
The study of 100 companies observed that upon gaining a junior management position, the manager will tend to cluster close to a doorway along with other junior managers, much like young primates hanging around the scene of a kill. Once they are promoted to full managers with their own office, then the manager will tend to hang one hand off the door frame while talking to other managers in order to establish his or her territory. Upon gaining middle management status, the manager will tend to hold impromptu meetings in the doorway to the main office thus ensuring that the workers wishing to gain access to the office must show deference to them by saying “Excuse me” and sliding past in order to actually get some work done.
In interviews conducted for the study someone who only wanted to be identified as “Brian Binsley,client resourses manager, grade 2” said “Once you have the arm up on the doorframe then they can smell your manly pheromones and straight away Dave from accounts is on the back foot”. He then went on to explain that “I’m not fat, it’s just a fuel tank for sex machine!”.
Doreen, a female manager in her mid forties with bad makeup, a cat for a friend, and phallic high heels said “I particularly like to hold impromptu meetings outside the canteen doors, so everyone is stuck inside. I think it gives me an aggressive edge that shows I’m just as assertive as the men”. Doreen claims that she remains single through choice, and that she's married to her career. The spinster, who sports brassy, dyed hair is keen to stress that she considers herself just as able as her male counterparts, despite her menopausal hot flushes forcing her to hold meetings in well ventilated corridors.
Once past the heady heights of middle management, executives and directors can give full reign to their instincts and hold meetings of up to 6 people, all clustered in a single busy corridor.
Since participating in the study, Brian has gone on to establish legal history after being divorced by his wife on the grounds of "Excessive use of Power Point in the marital home". Doreen recently left the company after financial irregularities in the office led to an incident with a stapler, a teaspoon and various parts of the HR Director’s anatomy in what has come to be known as the Beverage Kitty Debacle."
A Quaz and Jeni B production