Not all Tories are singing the same tuna. Disgruntled backbenchers have voiced their concerns about the lack of haddock in Cabinet positions. During the election campaign, David Cameron pledged that 30% of his cabinet would consist of haddock.
"One grayling is more than enough," said the MP for Codalming, Surrey, "especially as he cost us votes in the pufferfish community, but I am concerned that we are leaving ourselves in open water here."
The party has a surfeit of chubs, sharks and bloaters, but many feel there are plenty of talented haddock who have been overlooked.
"Traditionally, the Liberal Democrats have been a rich and comical source of mullet, but now we are seeing the meteoric rise of the tonguefish and swallower. Some in the party feel it makes for an uneasy bouillabaisse, and it means that Conservative haddocks who would have normally attained promotion have been battered."
Meanwhile Labour, rich in bitterlings and snappers, flounders. Off the record, MPs admit that until Parliament officially opens for business next week they're caught hook, line and sinker.
"The sudden resignation of Brown(Trout) has left them rudderless, mere prawns in the political game," gloated Alex Salmon.
The complaints about the lack of haddock in Cabinet was dismissed as 'disaffected carping'.
"It's a load of pollocks," said Stephen Crabb. "This is a turbot-charged government, and David's plaiced people accordingly."
Fin.
