A row has broken out amongst the acting community, after an elderly woman without an equity card took part in a prime-time drama. Known simply as ‘The Queen’, the woman has no history of acting other than some part-time work as a muse for stamps.
“When I saw the lead role go to some untrained monarch, it was like a kick in the teeth”, complained working class actress Julie Rankin. “I could easily have been pushed out of a helicopter in a convincing way, but I could only secure the part of a ground-based peasant.”
The actor’s union Equity has strict rules for employers, to prevent members losing out to cheap amateurs. President Malcolm Sinclair is particularly concerned that The Queen did her own stunt work, without any thought for the safety of those around her.
“We’re pretty sure that her Majesty didn’t actually jump out of a helicopter”, admitted Sinclair, “but that was hardly the bravest part of her performance. Sitting next to Prince Phillip while foreigners from all over the world were paraded in front of him? She clearly hadn't carried out a risk assessment.”