My name is Labia Goatstrangler, and I represent a group of people called 'The Friends of Waylandsmithy'.
The Friends of Waylandsmithy is a group of people who are dedicated to ensuring that the great, overlooked talent, Waylandsmithy is recognised for his great, overlooked talent and becomes once and for all, Newsbiscuit Writerer of the Month.
The great, overlooked talent of Waylandsmithy has been greatly overlooked for many a hard working month. Front page after front page of dedicated, hard overlooked work have failed to garner Waylandsmithy the ultimate accolade he so richly deserves.
In his way, Waylandsmithy has been both inspiration, consternation and aspiration to many of us here on Newsbiscuit. While others sneak by and take the podium, Waylandsmithy has stood sentinel and ensured a constant stream of great work is available to the editorial staff with which to decorate their illustrious front pages.
As a regular reader and contributor to Newsbiscuit, we hope that you will join with us. For just £2 a month, you can help us to support Waylandsmithy while he battles against the odds to reach the apex of his career, by bribing the Editor with scotch and loose women, or if that fails, then by resorting to blackmail. It's how VCG managed to get 3 months up there after all.
We'll send you a lovely green biro just for reading this, and you can be assured that no salesman will call.
So join us in beseeching the ultimate power to forgive the great, overlooked talent Waylandsmithy for his digressions into the land of NewsThump, and award him the high spot he so valiantly deserves.