Rumours that Prince Philip is to feature in the spectacular Opening Ceremony of the Olympic Games have been confirmed by Buckingham Palace insiders.
When faced with the prospect of having to endure another tedious Royal event, consisting mostly of smiling and waving at a bunch of anonymous passes-by, it is understood that His Royal Highness, suggested to the Queen that his old ‘flotilla fever’ complaint might be about to flare up again, as he had rather enjoyed being attended to hand and foot by uniformed nurses during the later stages of the Diamond Jubilee instead of listening to Sir Cliff Richard and a host of other young celebrities on the make, fawning to Her Majesty.
Anxious not to be let down again, it is understood that the Queen personally intervened and insisted that her ninety one year old consort be found a role on the Opening Ceremony. According to one insider, ceremony director Danny Boyle wrestled with the problem for some before coming up with a spectacular solution. ‘Danny was keen to preserve both the theme of the show as well as his chances of a knighthood, so he had to find a way of seamlessly integrating Duke of Edinburgh into the running order.’
‘His solution is to include Prince Philip in the countryside scene which comes just after the ‘What put the Great into Britain’ sequence featuring the slave trade and world colonisation. The Duke’s entrance into the pleasant green meadows with grazing sheep and cattle will be nice contrast to the dark satanic mills section dedicated to the North of England.'
The only sticking point in the whole idea has been the Prince’s insistence that it was unrealistic for anyone to be in the country without an abundance of game or a shot gun. Boyle reluctantly agreed with this but after the technical run through he directed that the gun only fire blanks.
Participants in Monday’s technical rehearsal have been sworn to secrecy by Danny Boyle, at least until relatives of the G4S security guards, who were shot by Prince Philip, have been informed.