Scientists decided on kittens as an appropriate model organism for the 2010 experiment on lazy eye syndrome after listening to the methodical lyrics of Robert Smith. Children who suffer from a lazy eye move like cagey tigers and can suffer permanent blindness; it’s a treacherous thing. The Home Office approved the experiment and when asked to justify the use of cats in animal experimentation Cardiff University responded “we couldn’t get closer than this”.
British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection met the legitimate use of animals in Home Office licensed experiments with predictable criticisms such as; scientists secretly creating zombie nation of cats and kittens more important that children’s sight. A spokesman for the BUVA commented “While everyone sleeps poor kittens bite and scratch and scream all night!”
Home Office officials assured the public that scientists are sympathetic to the popular opinion of kittens as wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully pretty, despite growing into cats, shitting in the house or vegetable patch and eating a huge amount of even prettier garden birds.
In order to further replace animals in experimentation many have suggested that the BUVA and scientist should have each other for tea. Scientists say this seems like a perfect dream, but few would consider meeting with someone as dumb as this and the majority will continue to view the anti-vivisection movement as a bunch of cat piss soaked nutters.