A guerilla marketing plot to fly a skywriting plane over the Olympic stadium has been foiled by security forces as the war on unofficial brand endorsement continues. After a tip off from a G4S security expert, a group of extremists was rounded up in dawn raids before they could hatch their deadly plan to promote an alternative to McDonalds.
Olympics supremo Sebastian Coe has saluted the bravery of Londoners as they help to protect the interests of global fast food corporations.
"We have missile launching pads in place on several blocks of flats around London," warned Coe, "if anyone wants to sky write any vegetarian nonsense, or drag a banner through the air advertising a chip shop, we are ready to shoot them down."
Coe has faced criticism after thousands were killed when a passenger plane was mistakenly shot down over Heathrow. "OK, first off, we are sorry for your loss, lessons have been learned and, what was the other one? Oh yes, We must now move on. But I want the relatives to know that their loved ones didn't die in vain," said Coe, "we must continue to protect the interests of the official sponsors of the games. Or our freedom could be at stake."
If Britain doesn't have a McDonalds on every street, it could rapidly fall into the hands of the Taliban, said one expert.
Meanwhile, Coe has promised to ramp up the fight by cracking down on consumers of unofficial brands. Specially trained spotters will identify anyone who doesn't look like a McDonald's customer or a Coke drinker. Their techniques are a closely guarded secret, but security experts say anyone with a low BMI index or clear skin could be excluded from the Olympic Park.
"If you want to be ruled by world class unrivalled global brands, then I suggest you to another country," said Coe.