In what is likely to be one of the most controversial pieces of legislation being proposed by the coalition Government, all white men are to be banned from wearing anything but full-length trousers during the summer.
"We're taking this move to improve the look of town and city centres across the country." the Enviromnment Secretary Caroline Spelman confirmed. "There can be few things as bad as wandering around a town, enjoying the summer sunshine, only to be confronted with some glaringly pasty legs, reflecting the light like a full moon."
"They're an affront to society."
The move is already being condemned by civl rights groups, the National Union of Students and the England Football Supporters Trust.
"This is a blatant attempt to keep football fans at home during the World Cup." Dave Harrison from EFST said. "I mean, what better way for us fans to support our boys, than to wear a team shirt stretdhed over our beer bellies, knee-length shorts and a pair of trainers. It's our god-given right as englishmen."