Rail bosses have defended a series of Arabic warning posters that made little sense, claiming they were translated correctly from the original gibberish. Experts had complained that the posters were ‘essentially neaningless’, rendering them 'as inaccurate as a timetable' to visiting travellers.
“May our customers remind us of umbrellas or old bags”, read the original poster. “Delays are important to us and also put that bit in Welsh. Don’t lie around or we’ll blow you for comfort and safety. We would like to take this reminder to keep peeled eyes and pricks in your ears.”
Transport secretary Justine Greening has called for future communications to be much clearer. “Globally, we welcome representatives to ambassador viz a viz the Olympics, communities safer with the largest on record”, she conceded.
“We are working with stakeholders to mediate and empower a discussion environment” she went on. “With the correct enablement, we envisage some arse-coverability, and enablement through select low-level sackings.” Civil servants have worked closely with rail employees to hurriedly correct the signs, adding an apostrophe before every letter ‘s’.
Regular commuters on the network are used to misleading communications, in particular the excuses about why a train hasn't turned up. A representative for passenger groups spoke to waiting journalists, leading by example in his use of plain English.
“We asked him to summarise how he felt about the industry, it’s attitude to customers and the plans to strike just before the Olympics”, explained one hack. “He was refreshingly candid. He simply said ‘they’re c**ts’.”