Neopagan Rain Gods have threatened to strike during the Olympics in a dispute over pay and conditions, potentially causing dry and summery weather for the entire games period.
The Rain Contract for Great Britain had been held by The Almighty God and his Heaven-based weather team for more than 2000 years, so the transfer to the lesser-known group came as a shock to all involved. Goddess Kitty Windchime defended the new business at a press conference, stating that “over the last two months the Neopagan Rain God group have worked hard to provide a heavy, non-stop supply of rain to the country, covering all major sport and social events following a drought caused by the previous contractors.”
Up until now the company has only ever taken on small projects such as single clouds shaped like fairies, possibly supporting claims that they didn’t include short breaks between storms to prevent the destruction of property because they were new to working under such pressure.
However the Rain Gods have presented their proposed strike action at a meeting with Locog, demanding bonuses for the extra hours likely to be required to conjure up wet weather for such a long spell. Neopagan union members also believe that Rain Gods deserve compensation for the inconveniencies they are likely to encounter in their journeys from their Isle of Wight tents to central London, stating that working from home is not an option as there is not an easily accessible source of fire to light up midnight rain dances.
Locog committee members have so far been reluctant to negotiate with the Rain Gods, but a recent change of heart from the Mayor of London may see the company presented with an extra ‘Blessed Crystal’ per hour of work to ensure that London was portrayed to the world in its most natural state. Sebastian Coe was said to be fuming at the irreversible negotiation, shouting “I may be a Lord, but I’m not fucking God!”