Another controversy surrounding the Olympics was revealed today, this time involving Philippa Middleton.
A report leaked this week shows that London authorities had planned for the sister of the Duchess of Cambridge to carry the Olympic torch through the capital on one of the final legs of the Torch relay.
The London 2012 authorities realised that the sight of Ms Middleton’s derriere, in tight running shorts, running through the streets of the capital, had the potential to cause more disruption to the Games than traffic congestion, crowd trouble and a terrorist attack combined.
Lord Coe alerted the London authorities last week to potential mass hysteria induced in young males should the relay leg be allowed to go ahead.
The regional health authority additionally warned of potential fainting, strokes and heart attacks that could be instigated in middle-aged men at the sight of the semi-royal posterior cavorting through the capital clad in skin-tight sporting attire.
David Cameron took the potential security threat sufficiently serious to call a meeting of Cobra, the emergencies disasters committee.
The mostly male members of the group sifted through hours of video footage and photos of ‘the Middleton Bottom’ in order to fully gauge the potential threat posed.
Cobra subsequently recommended that Pippa’s backside should not be allowed out in public at all, unless accompanied by at least four minders or bodyguards.
Rumours that Her Majesty The Queen will replace Middleton on the torch relay route, in celebration of her diamond jubilee year, can not be substantiated at this point.