Dan Brooks, a 33 year old office manager from Bolton, has become the first person to complete the Internet by viewing every page and clicking on every link.
'At first it was easy,' Brooks said. 'I was surfing between a few dozen sites a day and getting drunk on Saturday nights and emailing poems about mince to my mother-in-law or buying fifteen kilograms of midget gems off eBay. I was just like everyone else.'
However once a severe typing error didn't lead to a 'To The Manor Born' fansite but a gallery of gerontophile porn, Brooks found himself on a journey to the furthest outreaches of cyberspace.
'Yeah, people always ask about the porn,' said Brooks. 'To be honest that's not the worst thing out there. I mean some of it's tremendous and as for the rest after a while your mind shuts down. Seen one woman fellate a stallion while a sweaty bloke takes her up the wrong 'un, seen 'em all. And then there's the weird stuff.'
'The worst thing is the cats.'
Brooks estimates that no less than ninety per cent of the Internet consists solely of pictures of cats superimposed with badly spelt captions.
'It never stops. Millions of pictures, tens of millions of badly spelt words. I can has Internetz without kittehs, please?' The only benefit I can see is that if someone send you one of these monstrosities you never have to wonder about whether or not they have a sense of humour.'
As he completed his marathon trawl of the Internet Brooks witnessed something unexpected.
'They said that it couldn't be done. That the Internet doesn't have a beginning or an end but it does. When I clicked on what turned out to be the final link the screen went black then the sentence “The answer is still 42.” appeared for a few seconds before an animated Bill Gates popped up, congratulated me and gave me my reward.'
By completing the Internet, Brooks has unlocked Hard Mode and can now play again with added difficulty and new skins but has admitted that they are rubbish and he probably won't bother. Instead he is seeking a new challenge and is aiming to become the first person to get through an episode of the One Show without shouting at the screen.