Beloved family season has been missing since being washed away during heavy rain at a picnic in Hyde Park in late May. Warm, friendly, and occasionally dry for up to three days in a row, he answers to the name ‘It’s hot today isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I like it warm, but not this hot. This is too hot’ and is greatly missed.
We fear that he may have drowned in flash floods during the recent drought but are still holding out hope, so any information as to his whereabouts would be very greatly received. Other distinguishing features include middle aged men walking around with their sunburned, hairy gut hanging out, fashionable women wearing sunglasses so huge that they cover three quarters of the wearer’s face, and young men getting shit-faced on cider instead of lager.
If you feel that you have seen our summer please get in touch with any of the thousands of people who can be heard saying ‘It’s July you know? You wouldn’t have guessed it from the weather would you?’ every single day, or otherwise continuing to bang on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about the sodding rain.
Tesco are very kindly supporting our search, and are offering part of their massive overstock of ice cream that they have been completely unable to sell as a reward for any information that leads to summer being found safe and well.
If you know of his whereabouts please help so that we can bring him home to London. We don’t give a shit if it rains on the rest of the country for the remainder of the year, but would like the sun to shine for the Olympics. Otherwise people might not buy any massively overpriced beer, and then we’ll have to make some more people redundant to cover the shortfall.