Pandamonium broke out today amongst anti-GM protestors in the West after it emerged Chinese scientists have developed a new genetically-modified strain of bamboo shoot and introduced it on a large scale to feed wild pandas.
Secret undercover Chinese environmental activists in fear of their lives report the new shoots contain a special aphrodisiac ingredient designed to make pandas constantly randy with the side-effect that it turns them green.
Already the wild green panda population has hit a reported 4.7 million although, as they are much harder to spot, this figure may be slightly inaccurate.
Chinese toy manufacturers are believed to be producing millions of furry green panda dolls and t-shirts ready to saturate the global cuddly toy market and make approximately $1.8 trillion in the first year from US sales alone.
Green Party panda spokesperson Ms Lucy McLentil, who lives near Edinburgh Zoo in a one-bedroomed flat worth £49,995 said: “I’d much rather campaign on behalf of the few remaining cute cuddly black and white pandas than millions of these green freaks roaming around everywhere. If we’re not careful, this could become a global pandemic and I’m going to have to think of something f*****g else to save from extinction to pay my mortgage.”
The Chinese authorities were unavailable for comment and have banned all talk on the subject, preferring instead to play military marching music on all media channels 24 hours a day and launching a few test missiles in Taiwan’s direction.