Condemned murderer Jed Murray accepts his incarceration in the Texas State Penitentiary made his “50 places to visit before I die” bucket list unachievable.
“I managed a side trip to the Grand Canyon while in Vegas laundering the money from a string of bank jobs” said Murray. “But I never did visit the Eiffel Tower or the Taj Mahal, although I did hold up an Indian restaurant of that name. And I don’t know why I put New Zealand on the list – it was only after the Lord of the Rings movies that I realised the country was fictional.”
While falling 49 short of his original target, Murray produced a new “staycation” bucket list. “This one is going much better. I have already visited every cell on death row, the shower block, food hall, TV room, and the exercise yard. Once I go to the lethal injection chamber next week, I will have knocked off the lot.”
Murray notes that although he is within cooee of completing his bucket list, he still has to maintain focus. “Just last week, my lawyer attempted to file an appeal for clemency which could have delayed me visiting the death chamber for years. The bastard might have even got me off and I would have been back to visiting all those foreign countries.”
While Murray does not want to jinx things, he has already decided how he will celebrate his achievement. “I’m thinking I’ll have a nice meal before going to the chamber. Once I’m there, I’ll probably relax for a bit, take some drugs, and then have a kip. I then hope to catch up with some death row friends I haven’t seen in a while.”