Theresa May today admitted she had grave doubts about G4S’s abilities to keep non- McDonald’s potato products from entering Olympic Park.
‘It’s a nightmare scenario really,’ said May. ‘We’re potentially looking at multiple chip-related security breaches.’
‘We’ve already intercepted one man of Middle Eastern appearance trying to smuggle in a one kilo bag of McCain's Low Fat Oven Fries, so who knows what else is out there.’
Experts say that if undetected the 1 kilo bag could potentially have provided a family of six with a very generous portion of reasonably priced chips each. ‘The thought of it sends a shiver up my spine’ said an unnamed McDonalds executive.
G4S officials say they’re frantically retraining their 7 remaining guards how to spot chips on the X-Ray machines and have told them to pay particular attention to any little kiddies carrying hot-dogs or other chip-related ‘red flag’ foodstuffs.
In another illustration of the dangers, anti-terror police raided a family home in Islington – just 5 miles from Olympic Park - and discovered what they described as ‘a chip-making factory.’
‘We found deep-fryers, a freezer full of easy cook frozen chips, packets of hash browns as well as several bags of potatoes – the essential raw ingredient needed for the assembly of illegal chips,’ said a spokesman. ‘We have a slightly overweight family of five in custody for further questioning.’ Police suspect they may be linked to one of the big Irish potato cartels or could even be traced right back to South American growers.’
‘It’s a big discovery – we estimate 7-8 kilos of pure spud.’